Friday, August 15, 2014

I'm racist and shallow?!That can't be true!...Internalized Racism

So last night, I was explaining to a friend how I "could never date someone looks like me" and she pointed out that this is racist because I still took into account a person's race before giving them a chance.At first, I denied these allegations, defending myself by stating that I grew up surrounded by different races. I just preferred contrast.She then accused me of being shallow by going off of appearance rather than just personality. I grew upset ,but deep down inside...I knew she was right. I never noticed it really until this morning. I grew up being reminded of what race I am , always describing people by the color of their skin. I realized that I was unknowingly combining stereotypes with ones I saw/heard when a person's skin color was mentioned.Asian = good manners and clean, white= nice hair and might be nice, black= aggressive and will bring down my status. .My friend and I often get mistaken as sisters ,but really we look completely different. I was conforming to other people's opinion about being mixed makes us look related.I wouldn't date my friend because I am not attracted to her in that way. I shouldn't take in consideration that we are both mixed though.

 I was reading my lovely friend's blog, simplebutchic, who is "moving away from eurocentric standards of hair" and embracing her natural hair.I have never found myself pretty until recently...I was told that straight hair, lighter skin, light eyes, being skinny were goals I should aim for.  I deliberately would use filters to make my skin lighter and makeup that was slightly lighter than my skin tone. It really disgusts me because I should have known that no matter how much I tried, I will never be accepted as 100 percent white. "Embrace the skin your in!"haha!Anyways, I apologize for having this mindset. I need to be color blind!I need to stop thinking about the race by getting to know more about the person on the inside...cheesy ,but true!

Until next time...Be color blind when it comes to judging a person's character!

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